Torn Within
Late nights, good music and a glass of red is all that's needed to put me in a contemplative mood. Most of my writings here were birthed out of such moments. There is something about them that never fails to stir my heart. If only we could have this luxury on a regular basis, we would be well connected with our heart. I think they're such a thoughtful and necessasry gift, don't you? Well, maybe some of you would not approve of the red. I understand.
Something sobby is playing in the background now and I'm at my 2nd glass. So I'm thinking a lot. I'm thinking about a friend I have not seen for a while. We catched up over dinner the other night and she dropped a big revelation on me. She is seeing someone now. I was happy for her. She has been alone too long. Everyone needs love. We are made to love and be loved. To be able to give love a chance again after what she has gone through takes enormous courage. I am proud of her. The only problem is that she is not in a healthy and proper relationship. She knows that. I think she does.
I am like, really torn inside. When I say I'm torn, I really mean it. I do not know to react. I really wanted to say, Please don't do this, you are made for something better. But what right do I have? It's very difficult to see your friend destroying her life right in front of your own eyes and you're powerless to do anything. I mean, who am I to tell her that she is destroying her life? What right do I have? I was not there when she went through her hell. Who am I to judge now? If I had known her then and walked that hell with her, I'd have earned some right to speak now. But I have not. Do I know how it feels like to be in her circumstances? Can I comprehend the deep loneliness, disillusionment and hurt that drives her to accept second best? How can I deprive her of the love that she so deeply need by telling her that this is wrong? Yet....yet.... I know this relationship is just not right. All of us knows that deep within. I don't want to see her hurt beyond what she has already endured. Sometimes I just wish I could care less. Like I said before, let all be cursed and don't give a damn. But I can't. It's so frustrating!!!!!
I don't know if I should get my feet wet with this. I'm not sure if I'm fit for it. Every part of me is screamming, LAY OFF THIS. Stay away.
Only that my heart seems to be tugging the other way.
rk
Something sobby is playing in the background now and I'm at my 2nd glass. So I'm thinking a lot. I'm thinking about a friend I have not seen for a while. We catched up over dinner the other night and she dropped a big revelation on me. She is seeing someone now. I was happy for her. She has been alone too long. Everyone needs love. We are made to love and be loved. To be able to give love a chance again after what she has gone through takes enormous courage. I am proud of her. The only problem is that she is not in a healthy and proper relationship. She knows that. I think she does.
I am like, really torn inside. When I say I'm torn, I really mean it. I do not know to react. I really wanted to say, Please don't do this, you are made for something better. But what right do I have? It's very difficult to see your friend destroying her life right in front of your own eyes and you're powerless to do anything. I mean, who am I to tell her that she is destroying her life? What right do I have? I was not there when she went through her hell. Who am I to judge now? If I had known her then and walked that hell with her, I'd have earned some right to speak now. But I have not. Do I know how it feels like to be in her circumstances? Can I comprehend the deep loneliness, disillusionment and hurt that drives her to accept second best? How can I deprive her of the love that she so deeply need by telling her that this is wrong? Yet....yet.... I know this relationship is just not right. All of us knows that deep within. I don't want to see her hurt beyond what she has already endured. Sometimes I just wish I could care less. Like I said before, let all be cursed and don't give a damn. But I can't. It's so frustrating!!!!!
I don't know if I should get my feet wet with this. I'm not sure if I'm fit for it. Every part of me is screamming, LAY OFF THIS. Stay away.
Only that my heart seems to be tugging the other way.
rk
posted by rk | 12:42 PM
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