Of Not Having the Answers To Everything
I have been missing someone lately. The funny thing is, this is someone whom I can't say I only had the opportunity to see a couple of times a year. It feels strange being in the presence of a person and feel miles apart at the same time. I know it's not an uncommon thing. It happens even within marriage.....or should I say, especially within marriage?
Ok, this will sound very out-of-place to some of you who knows me and it might make you squirm a little in your seat. But I simply need to let it out. Maybe I should start by asking the question, which person in your life have you missed with such intensity that you feel like a part of you is missing? So much so that there is a certain emptiness without them? At the same time you feel a certain longing. A longing of wanting to know and be known in a very intimate way. Similar to the longing between 2 lovers, yet not quite. There is nothing sexual of lustful about it. To top it off, you feel all these emotions even as you are in their presence. My guess is that most of you would probably name your spouse, lover or someone you had a crush on. You see, the puzzling about thing is that, in my case, it is none of these. It's not even someone new. I know how sometimes a new relationship or friendship can invoke certain passion. It's someone I've known and have shared a degree of closeness with for some time. And it's not like this person has been away geographically. Perhaps it's a reflection of an unfulfilled need. I don't know. I am not a therapist.
But I will not try to figure anything out here. Tried that way before but did not come to any conclusions. I just want to put them in writing for memories sake. Maybe when I am all grey on the head and reads this piece again, I'll perhaps know what it all means. But that's not a priority anymore. Maybe as we grow in years we don't feel the need to have all the answers to everything. Some things come when we're not looking.