The Ragamuffin Kid

occasional rumblings of the bedraggled, beat-up and burnt-out

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I am a traveller on my way Home, passing through this little land. It's a lovely place, though nothing compared to where I'm heading, I was told. I have journeyed through several valleys. Not the kindest place I must say. But hey, I've had some "mountain top" experiences too. They made me long for Home. I heard there are no valleys at Home. I have met some fellow travellers along the way. But mostly find myself among locals. If you're local, please bear with my quirkiness. I know my accent and ways are puzzling sometimes. If you're a fellow traveller, keep going. We should be reaching soon. Bon voyage!

Friday, September 24, 2004

the difficulty of letting go

There are certain things in life which you know you’re supposed to do and everyone seem to be telling you to do it as if you don’t already know. I don’t blame them really, being guilty of it myself. Sometimes, they are just shallow optimism and we know it. Still we thank our friends for their sincerity. If not, they come in the form of a formula. Like the advice I narrated to Chii the other day, let the experience penetrate you fully, I said. It’ll make it easier. It’s a valuable advice, I don’t deny. I’ve been using it with success in other areas. Perhaps this current one needs more than a formula. It’s odd how we think we can dissect a problem, analyze it and come up with a supposed answer. Can our heart really be dissected and analyzed in such a manner when we don’t really know it to begin with? You see, we know we’ll just have to let it go and set it free. The problem lies between knowing and actually doing it. I’ve lost count the number of times I told myself to let it go as if it’s the easiest thing to do, only to fall flat on my face time and again. This ought to show us the futility of making New Year resolutions. We can hardly keep them for long. There are times when I thought I’ve succeeded or at least progressing well. Just when I’m about to congratulate myself and give myself a pat on the back, something happens and my efforts are exposed for what they were. We don’t need a major crisis to expose it. A simple word or a seemingly innocent incident can be all it takes. It’s frustrating. Yes, but most of all it’s humbling. Our efforts don’t amount to much without God’s grace. So this morning as I sat on my bed for my daily chat with the Lord, I asked him once again for the grace to do it. I don’t know how many times it will take for him to teach me what it means to depend on his grace instead of my own efforts. But as long as he is not giving up on me, I won’t either.

So here I go, taking the plunge again……


Blogger holymoly said...

Thank you. I can totally relate to this! Though it's difficult but we always try our best.

5:01 PM  

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